you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
