Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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