I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
