my mouth tastes like poor choices
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
