My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
