If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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