aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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