did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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