Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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