I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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