If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
