STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
