Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
