Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
