OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
