ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
