i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
