walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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