I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
