Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
