I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
