next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
