Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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