My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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