I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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