You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Life is so much better after having sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
