i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
