There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
