I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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