i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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