I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
