the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
