i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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