I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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