i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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