This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
