i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
