I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
