Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
