My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
