I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
