CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
