I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
