I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
