I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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