he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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