I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
