FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
