i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
