and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His nipple licking is glorious
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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