"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Welp...herpes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
