the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
