I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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